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Gone, you're gone.
And tomorrow (the 25th) it'll be exactly a year since the last time I talked to you.
The seventh of March will be a year since you died.
And it's taking its toll on me. I miss you, and the nightmares are pounding inside my head.
The sad part is- the dreams aren't nightmares.
Not at all.
They are good. I see your face. I hug you. And it's like you never left.
But then I wake up, just like this morning, and I am mourning.
My dog looks at me like he's terrified-
Like his owner has taken a one way street to crazy ville.
My pillow is wet, my eyes are stained, but there are no tears.
That's because I cried so much my body can't any more.
And there's this wrenching pain in my heart.
And I look over, wanting to text you (at the least) and ask why, but I know I can't.
It's been a year. Why am I grieving?
You know, songs take a whole new meaning when they pertain to you.
I guess mine are "Hello" and "Like You" by Evanescence.
Even if you are my brother.
But still. I find myself associating these songs with your death.
And maybe I'm not grieving.
Maybe I am accepting.
I never talk about this part of that night
When my former sister called me and told me what happened, I remembered the night before.
I remember being on vacation for spring break with my friend, and I was asleep.
I dreamt that I saw you.
You were happy, and healthy
and beautiful.
Not beautiful in a "I'm attracted to you," but the kind of beautiful that told a story of a life of pain
but then a life of recovery.
You wore glasses in my dream, you had your hair cut short
which normally reached to your waist.
I figured this signified change- like something changed and I would get to witness it.
I texted you that day (after I assumed you'd be awake).
You never replied.
This was normal for you.
I knew you'd reply the next morning.
Then about ten o clock that night I knew, I knew, why you didn't reply.
I knew the change that occurred.
You had passed away. We weren't quite sure of what.
How, why, when...
We just knew you were gone.
I didn't believe it.
I remember crying. But I cry often in my dreams, and that's what this was.
A dream.
But as time went on, the reality of it became more prominent.
And after ten, long, months of not seeing my
-our- dad, I knew it had happened.
I knew I'd never see you.
Never text you.
Never talk to you again.
And I remember every last detail of our conversations.
Especially the one where you told me I was the only one you loved.
Me. Your little sister. Only half related to you.
But you were -are- the only sibling I have. And will ever have.
And still, I love you.
I always will.
And as the year closes, I'm nightmaring (yes I use nightmare as a verb)
a lot more.
But that dream, I knew you were gone before anyone else did.
R.I.P Big Brother. R.I.P.
And tomorrow (the 25th) it'll be exactly a year since the last time I talked to you.
The seventh of March will be a year since you died.
And it's taking its toll on me. I miss you, and the nightmares are pounding inside my head.
The sad part is- the dreams aren't nightmares.
Not at all.
They are good. I see your face. I hug you. And it's like you never left.
But then I wake up, just like this morning, and I am mourning.
My dog looks at me like he's terrified-
Like his owner has taken a one way street to crazy ville.
My pillow is wet, my eyes are stained, but there are no tears.
That's because I cried so much my body can't any more.
And there's this wrenching pain in my heart.
And I look over, wanting to text you (at the least) and ask why, but I know I can't.
It's been a year. Why am I grieving?
You know, songs take a whole new meaning when they pertain to you.
I guess mine are "Hello" and "Like You" by Evanescence.
Even if you are my brother.
But still. I find myself associating these songs with your death.
And maybe I'm not grieving.
Maybe I am accepting.
I never talk about this part of that night
When my former sister called me and told me what happened, I remembered the night before.
I remember being on vacation for spring break with my friend, and I was asleep.
I dreamt that I saw you.
You were happy, and healthy
and beautiful.
Not beautiful in a "I'm attracted to you," but the kind of beautiful that told a story of a life of pain
but then a life of recovery.
You wore glasses in my dream, you had your hair cut short
which normally reached to your waist.
I figured this signified change- like something changed and I would get to witness it.
I texted you that day (after I assumed you'd be awake).
You never replied.
This was normal for you.
I knew you'd reply the next morning.
Then about ten o clock that night I knew, I knew, why you didn't reply.
I knew the change that occurred.
You had passed away. We weren't quite sure of what.
How, why, when...
We just knew you were gone.
I didn't believe it.
I remember crying. But I cry often in my dreams, and that's what this was.
A dream.
But as time went on, the reality of it became more prominent.
And after ten, long, months of not seeing my
-our- dad, I knew it had happened.
I knew I'd never see you.
Never text you.
Never talk to you again.
And I remember every last detail of our conversations.
Especially the one where you told me I was the only one you loved.
Me. Your little sister. Only half related to you.
But you were -are- the only sibling I have. And will ever have.
And still, I love you.
I always will.
And as the year closes, I'm nightmaring (yes I use nightmare as a verb)
a lot more.
But that dream, I knew you were gone before anyone else did.
R.I.P Big Brother. R.I.P.
k
lmfao I keep leaving.
Back
I disappeared again. No time for anything honestly. Don't really care.
~Amulet
Good Job to Me
Wow, since the first of February since I've posted, whoops. And I said I was to post more....well, yeah.
Well after a year and four months we broke up, but that's okay. I don't want anyone asking what happened, don't worry about it.
As for how I am doing? Well, I have a "new" male in my life now, he's uh, Well, lets just say he means a lot to me and has for quite a while now. Future with him? Maybe! We will see! <you know who you are>
//~Amulet
Hi XD
Hi guys, I'll be uploading more soon enough. I've been alive, busy. Junior in highschool.
As for the boyfriend?
We'll be spending our one year together in a little over a month <3. Still as in love as before, hence why I've been busy.
no worries. no babies. no never. no chance. :).
~Amulet
fthoigiohgfifibiobof P.S.: I love you guys. :)
© 2014 - 2024 AmuletSpade13
Comments15
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I'm so sorry for your loss. death is a part of life but it shouldn't come too soon
of the way you talk about your brother I know you will meet again. love is greater than time, greater than anything
once in a while I dream with my late grandfathers, they show up to make sure we're okay, they protect us
of the way you talk about your brother I know you will meet again. love is greater than time, greater than anything
once in a while I dream with my late grandfathers, they show up to make sure we're okay, they protect us